Friday, March 27, 2009


I can't have another night like Wednesday night. A regular "bad" night for me involves not only Simon having a night terror and ending up on the couch (plus Ike's normal wakings), but also some weird, WEIRD dreams- usually brought on by me forgetting to take my pills until almost bedtime. Those things mess with my head.

This wasn't a normal "bad" night. Even with Simon sleeping just fine, the dreams I had took that night way beyond bad. "Bad" became a smudge on the horizon.

I can't tell you what the dreams were about- it's not that I can't remember, I just can't talk about it. Nothing like normal nightmares, where something bad happens to you or the people you love- we weren't even in these ones. Lots of horrible things happening to people- and I couldn't wake up. The first time Ike woke up, I not only didn't hear him, I also didn't wake up (or move) when AJ came into the room. Or when he talked to me. Or when he kicked the bed... I think I scared him.

Sometimes getting up once is enough to get out of that weird, deep dream-state, but not that night. As soon as I was back in bed, it started again, and it didn't seem like I got a break until AJ came to bed at 2:00- I didn't get any rest, anyway. I was so relieved when he came to bed; I woke up coated in sweat, shaking, but at least I was awake. I went to the bathroom and flicked the light on to try to wake up even more, had a drink of water, and went back to bed. I was still pretty shaky, and I begged AJ to help me remember to take my pills earlier in the day.

I don't know why I forget. Part of it's lack of visual cues- I can't keep my pill box on the kitchen counter (where I would see it when I have my tea, the most logical time to get all medicated up) because Simon will see it there, and he seems to think that all pills are "buyamins" and will taste like the crunchy little Flintstones he gets every day (when he reminds me). Oten when I'm in my own bathroom and I see that little SMTWTFS box, I haven't eaten anything recently, which I need to do before I take the pills.

So my wonderful husband, as soon as I asked for help, set his watch for 2:00 every afternoon so he can call and make sure I've taken my medications. One of these days I'll get my own watch, but this is good for now.

I remembered yesterday... but I was still scared to fall asleep last night.

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