Monday, September 28, 2009

It's a Good Thing He's Cute, I'll Tell You That...

Mister Isaac had a surprisingly early morning today, considering the fact that he got up after I went to bed last night and stayed up with his "Dad-Daaay!" until 11:30 last night. Crazy child. I get the feeling that he missed AJ just a little bit while he was away. Maybe.

This morning, however, has got NOTHING on that very secial morning last weekend when Ike turned himself into a Smurf. That must have been Saturday morning- AJ was home for a quick visit before heading back to P.E.I., and he was having a good sleep-in. Ike was up early, though, and in full hurricane mode. He must have been up all night planning the morning's shenanigans:


5:45- wake mommy up (remember to smile and hug her so she can't be mad. Laugh to self about her hair.)

6:10- breakfast. Throw cereal EVERYWHERE.

7:00- wake Simon up while he's sure to still be good and cranky.

7:05- stare at Simon. Grin madly when he starts screaming, "IKE'S LOOKIN' AT MEEEE! MAKE HIS STOP LOOKIN' AT MEEEEEEE!"

7:06- stand closer to Simon. Do not touch him. Just look. Be very happy.

(break time- look at some books and act all angelic-like)

7:45- start poking at the DVD player. Watch mom for reaction.

7:55- leave DVD player alone. Poke at VCR; get taken away from the whole shebang.

8:02- go back and start banging on Daddy's huge TV. Wonder what "Daddy's gonna kill you!" means. Follow with standard mess-making and un-tidying.

8:40- follow mom around as she sweeps the floor. Shuffle through dirt pile.

9:02- be good for at least 10 minutes to lower mom's defenses. VERY IMPORTANT.

9:12- bust into cupboard under sink and rummage through garbage. Locate old turquoise ink pad; keep this a secret until mouth, chin and hands have succesfully been dyed.

9:13- show mommy what I found. Aren't I a good boy for entertaining myself?!

9:17- bathtime! Submit to much scrubbing. Continue to look like suffering from serious hypothermia. Laugh.

9:25- play happily in tub. Poop when mom's not looking.

9:26- get yanked out of bath; run off while mom cleans up stinky poop; pee on living room floor.

9:30- protest being put to bed at this unreasonable hour. Bang crib into wall until allowed to get up.

9:36- still stinky- get second bath of the day. AWRIGHT!

9:40- out of tub. Run away; pee on living room floor.

9:45- wonder why mommy's pulling all of her hair out.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Time Flies When You're Having... uh... yeah...

Wow. How long has it been since my last post? Since I'm too lazy and busy (figure that one out!) to look it up, I'll just assume it's been a long time- that, or I've been posting in my sleep and keeping this thing up-to-date in brilliant, insightful and witty prose that... yeah. Or, in the words of the great Wayne Campbell, "Shyeah, and monkeys might fly out on my butt!"

Aaaaand once again my train of thought has derailed.

You can't blame me, really. We've just finished up 2 weeks of AJ being away on a continuing-education-type thingy for work, and my brain has turned to mush and is oozing out of my ears. The house is a mess, the cats have packed their little suitcases and are ready to move out, and my back is as stiff as Andie MacDowell's acting. (OK, so that last one might be a bit of an exaggeration...)

I shouldn't complain. My boys handled themselves remarkably well with their bestest-buddy-and-wrestling-partner gone*, and we got through. We're all alive and healthy, and Ike only dyed himself blue once, which I consider a victory. AJ doesn't have to leave town again until later in the fall. All this, and the respect I have for single parents and military wives multplied exactly 43x in the last fortnight, which is kind of great. It was rough, but that's life.

Now I need a vacation. A vaction and a visit from Molly Maid. And someone to come change this stinky little fellow who just deposited himself in my lap.

*Mostly gone, actually- that darling man surprised us by driving 6 hours back on the weekend to spend one day and two nights with us before driving back to do his homework. Have I mentioned that he's wonderful?

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Oh, Spam folder... you provide so much unintentional entertainment... Why don't I check you more often?

Since I seem to be incapable of writing anything amusing or thought-provoking these days, I'm going to let my gmail spam folder do my work for me. And so I present:

Highlights From My Spam Folder
(or: Who needs a newspaper when you've got Spam?)


Maniac cut Hefner's balls


Dude, your snake sucks!

no-woody causes breaks

your girl very likes to be engaged in love! And can you not do love long?


Your banana will raise!

Power drillo won't be flaccid!


Best manure for pork stalk

Get an omnipotent porksword!

Make your King-Kong twice larger!


Once, among the bong-trees walking

Wait, wait said the frog


Or crafty mermaids stole them away