SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

Oh, Spam folder... you provide so much unintentional entertainment... Why don't I check you more often?

Since I seem to be incapable of writing anything amusing or thought-provoking these days, I'm going to let my gmail spam folder do my work for me. And so I present:


Highlights From My Spam Folder
(or: Who needs a newspaper when you've got Spam?)


NEWS:

Maniac cut Hefner's balls


BAD NEWS:

Dude, your snake sucks!

no-woody causes breaks

your girl very likes to be engaged in love! And can you not do love long?


HOROSCOPES:

Your banana will raise!

Power drillo won't be flaccid!


ADVICE AND OPPORTUNITIES:

Best manure for pork stalk

Get an omnipotent porksword!

Make your King-Kong twice larger!


POETRY AND LITERATURE:

Once, among the bong-trees walking

Wait, wait said the frog


CRACKPOT THEORIES:

Or crafty mermaids stole them away