I need to throw up. I WANT to throw up- it would probably make my stomach feel better, at least for a little while. But I can't. If I do that, I'll lose the Advil Liqui-Gels I just took for this facking migraine I've got, and where would that leave me? I'd also lose this giant cup of caffeine-y goodnedd I'm nursing, which is also an essential part of my migraine cocktail.

Also, tea and toast taste terrible on the way back up. I know this and many other things from my experiences in the magical land of morning sickness- I can provide a detailed list of exactly how bad many things taste on the way back up (hint: nothing tastes better coming up than it did going down).

Good Lord, it hurts! This sucker started yesterday, but didn't get really bad until this morning. I would be crying if I hadn't trained myself not to- that only makes it hurt more. Crying doesn't help one stay calm or hydrated, you know.

Ike's smelly butt isn't helping my head, and the sight of his runny nose is, quite frankly, not doing much for the nausea. I adore that child, but at this moment he's 2/3 of a migraine perfect storm- at least he's not screaming. I need to go take care of that.

I wish I could take Immitrex right now- it's a nasal spray, so I wouldn't have to worry about puking it up, and it works on migraines... then again, it would probably be too late; I think you have to take it at the beginning of these things. I don't have any, though- don't even have a prescription. That stuff knocks me right out- a blessing under normal circumstances, but not exactly safe when you're responsible for two active, curious little boys. Probably not good to have in breastmilk, either, though that's only an issue at night these days.

Oh, to be able to go to bed with a dark cloth over my eyes, an ice pack under my head, and earplugs in my head!

The things you don't appreciate before you have kids...

Need... More... Drugs...

Today was a bad day to be in my house. I tell you this so that even if you've had a bad day, you can say, "Well, at least I wasn't visiting THAT house today!" And then you can jump up, click your heels and whistle as you strut down the street.*

I'm not even sure where to begin... does 4:15 this morning when Simon was screeching and ended up on the couch count as last night or today? I'm guessing that an hour later, when Isaac woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep, even after a nice, warm bottle... that counts as today. In any case, we had an early start. I had the beginning of a headache lurking at the base of my skull, but only until something in my neck popped. After that, it was no longer the beginning of a headache, but a big, snarling, vicious migraine.

You know, one- and three-year olds are surprisingly indifferent toward other people's suffering, especially if it interferes with their little schedules. When Simon woke up (on the couch), he was crying. He spent the rest of the morning doing some more crying, some screeching at Ike, and some whining- just to keep things interesting. Every sound was like knives in my ears. A tired Simon is a cranky Simon, and Simon seems to be a firm believer that misery loves company. Ike just didn't understand why Mommy was sitting and/or lying around so much and not moving her head, and he couldn't figure out why she was mumbling about "caffeine IV" and "you people are killing me**" and other such nonsense.

I took the Advil liqui-gels, I drank the pot of tea (and consequently peed 5 times in an hour), I avoided moving when I could. I tried not to watch Simon eating bologna with ketchup, because that really made me want to barf. It wasn't a fun day for the kids- or for me.

AJ had been at work until 3 in the morning, so I couldn't wake him up to help me; in spite of what I said in my last post about how jealous I am of the fact that he's allowed to sleep for 8 hours at a time, I know he needs it. He got up at 1:20 this afternoon, and though the boys didn't settle down or get quieter, they were happier having their daddy around. In fact, Ike refused to have his nap and cried "Da! Da! Daaaa!" when I tried to put him in his crib. After he finally gave in and went to bed, and I left Simon and AJ watching home movies (not AJ's favourite activity) and went to have a nap. I jammed those blessed earplugs in my head, pulled up the covers, inhaled (my side of the bed smells like my sweet pea hand cream- so yummy) and passed out for an hour, until AJ had to get ready to go again.

I'm OK now. My head still hurts, but not as much as it did. I still have no energy, but I'll be able to do some quiet activities with Simon tonight, and I might even survive the Battle For Bedtime. It has taken me an embarrassingly long time to write this post because I keep forgetting words- words like "indifferent" and "crib"- but it's done. I suppose I should try to get some other things done, too, like the dishes, and maybe tidying up this mess that's been accumulating at my feet all day.

Bleeeeargh.

I'll do it tomorrow.

Simon, go to bed. Mommy loves you, but I need to sleep.



*Seriously, do it. And send video.

** The phrase Simon chose to pick up today was "Kill me!" As in, "Unnnngghhh, are you people trying to KILL ME?!"