On To Christmas

First of all, can we get a BIG round of applause for sporadic blog posting? Without it, the internet would be full of senseless ramblings like mine (instead of just half-full).

*clap*... *clap*...

Anyway... in case you're wondering, not much has changed around here. I'm still trying to get better at housework, and still failing miserably. There have been minor improvements, but things ain't gonna git real good until we get a dishwasher. And a maid.

One month til Christmas! We put the tree up last night; just the tree, of course, so we could see how Hurricane Ike reacted to it. Last Christmas he was 10 months old and he easily breached my carefully erected defenses; this year I'm saying "to hell with defenses!" So far, so good. Ike didn't notice the tree for several minutes this morning (possibly because he was up before sunrise), and all he's done to it since then is drive toy cars on it and chase the cat under it. Next step: lights!

I shouldn't be surprised. We went to the "festival of trees" here in town last weekend and Ike actually behaved very well- especially foror a notorious rascal, demolition expert and general rabble-rouser drpooed without warning into a sea of artificial trees, bright lights and shiny ornaments. He gently poked at a few ornaments, ran off to visit his favourite tree several times, and only pulled one little green ball off of one tree. Good, right? Yeah, I'm still sticking with plastic ornaments at home this year.

Simon's Playschool class (20 4-year olds meeting two mornings a week) performed during the "musical entertainment" on Sunday afternoon. I don't know about the "musical" part, but they were definitely entertaining! They sang (hollered) Jingle Bells, Up on the Housetop and We Wish You a Merry Christmas; Simon kenw a few of the words and just danced along to the rest, looking like he was desperate for a potty break. It was great.

I guess this officially kicks off the Christmas season. Good luck, folks!

What is with these CHILDREN?!

(Further evidence that I don't watch my children every moment of every day)

Banned Books Week

OK, I know it's an AMERICAN Library Association thing, but this Canadian is celebrating Banned Books Week. I mean, I'm not throwing a party or anything (though that could be a GREAT theme party!), but I DID order in a couple of books through the loverly libarary to read this week:

Foxfire (Joyce Carol Oates)- I wanted to read this one years ago after I saw a preview for the movie (which I still haven't watched) and found out we couldn't get the book at the school library. I just finished it yesterday... pretty good, though I found it hard to get into. Having a narrator who has issues with sentence structure makes for some awkward reading at times. I can see why some of THEM would consider this a dangerous book: it's about GIRLS. In a GANG. And REVENGE. With VIOLENCE.


The Satanic Verses (Salman Rushdie)- just started this one after I finished Foxfire- Holy Totally Different Books, Batman! All I can say so far is that this is NOT a book to attempt when you've got a migraine and the whole world seems like you're looking at it reflected in muddy water*. Bigger, longer, more challenging... I'll let you know how long it takes me to get through this one, compared to the 2 days Foxfire lasted.

(Is it wrong that every time I look at the cover of this book all I can hear in my mind is Bridget Jones saying, "Salmaaaaan... salmaaaan... Isn't it a shame about Chetch-NYAAA?" )


So that's my reading for the next little while. Looking over the list of banned classics, I see I've read a few already:

• The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
• To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
• The Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
• 1984 (George Orwell)
• Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov)
• Charlotte's Web (E.B. White) - Huh?
• Animal Farm (George Orwell)
• Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Milne) -again I say: Huh?
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Ken Kesey)
• Lady Chatterly's Lover (D.H. Lawrence)

So there you have it. I'd love to know why Charlotte's Web and Winnie the Pooh have been banned or challenged. Oh, and speaking of "children's" books, toss the Harry Potter series and 2/3 of Phillip Pullman's "Dark Materials" trilogy on my "already read" list.

I'd also love to know which banned books YOU'VE read- classic or otherwise. Recommendations?

*You may or may not know what I'm talking about... just take my word for it. It sucks.

It's a Good Thing He's Cute, I'll Tell You That...

Mister Isaac had a surprisingly early morning today, considering the fact that he got up after I went to bed last night and stayed up with his "Dad-Daaay!" until 11:30 last night. Crazy child. I get the feeling that he missed AJ just a little bit while he was away. Maybe.

This morning, however, has got NOTHING on that very secial morning last weekend when Ike turned himself into a Smurf. That must have been Saturday morning- AJ was home for a quick visit before heading back to P.E.I., and he was having a good sleep-in. Ike was up early, though, and in full hurricane mode. He must have been up all night planning the morning's shenanigans:

MORNING ITINERARY

5:45- wake mommy up (remember to smile and hug her so she can't be mad. Laugh to self about her hair.)

6:10- breakfast. Throw cereal EVERYWHERE.

7:00- wake Simon up while he's sure to still be good and cranky.

7:05- stare at Simon. Grin madly when he starts screaming, "IKE'S LOOKIN' AT MEEEE! MAKE HIS STOP LOOKIN' AT MEEEEEEE!"

7:06- stand closer to Simon. Do not touch him. Just look. Be very happy.

(break time- look at some books and act all angelic-like)

7:45- start poking at the DVD player. Watch mom for reaction.

7:55- leave DVD player alone. Poke at VCR; get taken away from the whole shebang.

8:02- go back and start banging on Daddy's huge TV. Wonder what "Daddy's gonna kill you!" means. Follow with standard mess-making and un-tidying.

8:40- follow mom around as she sweeps the floor. Shuffle through dirt pile.

9:02- be good for at least 10 minutes to lower mom's defenses. VERY IMPORTANT.

9:12- bust into cupboard under sink and rummage through garbage. Locate old turquoise ink pad; keep this a secret until mouth, chin and hands have succesfully been dyed.

9:13- show mommy what I found. Aren't I a good boy for entertaining myself?!

9:17- bathtime! Submit to much scrubbing. Continue to look like suffering from serious hypothermia. Laugh.

9:25- play happily in tub. Poop when mom's not looking.

9:26- get yanked out of bath; run off while mom cleans up stinky poop; pee on living room floor.

9:30- protest being put to bed at this unreasonable hour. Bang crib into wall until allowed to get up.

9:36- still stinky- get second bath of the day. AWRIGHT!

9:40- out of tub. Run away; pee on living room floor.

9:45- wonder why mommy's pulling all of her hair out.

Time Flies When You're Having... uh... yeah...

Wow. How long has it been since my last post? Since I'm too lazy and busy (figure that one out!) to look it up, I'll just assume it's been a long time- that, or I've been posting in my sleep and keeping this thing up-to-date in brilliant, insightful and witty prose that... yeah. Or, in the words of the great Wayne Campbell, "Shyeah, and monkeys might fly out on my butt!"

Aaaaand once again my train of thought has derailed.

You can't blame me, really. We've just finished up 2 weeks of AJ being away on a continuing-education-type thingy for work, and my brain has turned to mush and is oozing out of my ears. The house is a mess, the cats have packed their little suitcases and are ready to move out, and my back is as stiff as Andie MacDowell's acting. (OK, so that last one might be a bit of an exaggeration...)

I shouldn't complain. My boys handled themselves remarkably well with their bestest-buddy-and-wrestling-partner gone*, and we got through. We're all alive and healthy, and Ike only dyed himself blue once, which I consider a victory. AJ doesn't have to leave town again until later in the fall. All this, and the respect I have for single parents and military wives multplied exactly 43x in the last fortnight, which is kind of great. It was rough, but that's life.

Now I need a vacation. A vaction and a visit from Molly Maid. And someone to come change this stinky little fellow who just deposited himself in my lap.

*Mostly gone, actually- that darling man surprised us by driving 6 hours back on the weekend to spend one day and two nights with us before driving back to do his homework. Have I mentioned that he's wonderful?

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

Oh, Spam folder... you provide so much unintentional entertainment... Why don't I check you more often?

Since I seem to be incapable of writing anything amusing or thought-provoking these days, I'm going to let my gmail spam folder do my work for me. And so I present:


Highlights From My Spam Folder
(or: Who needs a newspaper when you've got Spam?)


NEWS:

Maniac cut Hefner's balls


BAD NEWS:

Dude, your snake sucks!

no-woody causes breaks

your girl very likes to be engaged in love! And can you not do love long?


HOROSCOPES:

Your banana will raise!

Power drillo won't be flaccid!


ADVICE AND OPPORTUNITIES:

Best manure for pork stalk

Get an omnipotent porksword!

Make your King-Kong twice larger!


POETRY AND LITERATURE:

Once, among the bong-trees walking

Wait, wait said the frog


CRACKPOT THEORIES:

Or crafty mermaids stole them away

Guest Post: Charles de la Puss

(cross-posted from Charlie's catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/270662)

I have purr-suaded The Woman to help me type this entry- it's the LEAST she could do after so many months of blatant neglect. OK, TECHNICALLY the least she could do would be nothing, but she would pay dearly for that in the form on even more ignoring than she usually gets, and perhaps Gus' hairballs redirected into her shoes. Am also planning on forcing her to post this message to her own blob so that person who reads it (whoever that fool is!) will know that SHE IS NEGLECTING THE CREATIVE EXPRESSION OF A POOR, POOR PUSS.

Anyways, things are purrty good other than that. We live in something called a "Noova Skoosha" now. It was cold when we moved here, and then it was snowy for a long time, but at least we have nice, big windows to look out of. I was excited to learn that we were going to have a "back duck"- turns out a "deck" is not the same thing, but sometimes there are FRIKKIN' HUGE black birds out there, anyway. Also teeny brown ones on the feeder.

Gus and go outside now sometimes. At first I was scared to leave the "deck", but now I prowl through the grass and stalk birds. I have to say, there's a world of difference between mice and birds! I'm a champion mouser, but I haven't yet been able to present a dead birdie to The Man to gain his favour. The grass is getting long out there, though, and I often have to *boing-boing-boing* over it when it tickles my belly. Then The People all laugh at me.

The Man now wears funny clothes to Work and drives a strange car when he goes there. Also, he has a gun, so I tend to keep my mouth shut when he's going to Work. Otherwise, I'm pretty much still all over him, but he claims he does not love me, and that I am "dead to him". BUT there was this one time when I was being really "pathetic" (HIS word, not mine!) and rubbing on the coffee table, and he scooped me onto the couch and rubbed my belly. HEAVEN!

The Childrens are getting bigger. I don't see them a lot during the day, since I've pretty much claimed the basement as my terror-tory, but The Baby is now walking, and he chases Gus around sometimes to hug him and/or bite his tail. Litttle freak.

I have to go nap now- WHAT, Woman? She gives me the dirtiest looks when I'm napping... or contemplating napping... she also gets mad when I wake her up at 4 in the morning, when I say, "YOOOOOWLLLL?"People are SO weird.I am considering highjacking her blob on a weekly basis. This would approximately triple "her" frequency of posting. I'm a better writer than she is, anyway.

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WOMN! ware are yoo goign!? git bak here and tipe fur me, dammit!1

o darn.